WELCOME TO B'NEI MITZVAH AT WBT

Forms

All families having a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah at Wilshire Boulevard Temple will need to complete the following forms:

Please enter your honors in the service details on mitzvah tools

For more information, contact Jennifer Kaufman at jkaufman@wbtla.org

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah

A B'nei Mitzvah is a Jewish rite of passage that formally and publicly acknowledges that a young person has reached the age when they are no longer a minor according to Jewish law and is thereby obligated to take on new religious privileges and the responsibilities of an adult. Among other things, these include moral responsibility for one’s own actions and eligibility to read from the Torah.

When can my child become a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah

What is my role as a parent, and how may my family participate in this special ceremony?

During the Friday night service before the Saturday service, the mother of the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah is invited to recite the blessing over the candles, and light the Shabbat candles. Following the service, the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah family recites the Kiddush, the blessing over the wine, and Motzi, the blessing over the challah, together with the cantor and rabbi.

Parents are also invited to sit on the bimah during Saturday morning services. Stepparents are only invited to sit on the bimah if all parties agree to this in writing. There are many honors for close family and friends throughout the Shabbat morning service. At the beginning of the Torah service, the Torah is taken out of the Ark for a special passing of the Torah ceremony. The Torah is symbolically passed from parent to child, from generation to generation. Family members can also be honored with an aliyah (the blessing before and after the reading of the Torah), by opening the ark for the Amidah, dressing the Torah (G’lilah), or opening the ark before the Aleinu.

Parents are also invited to offer a brief blessing to their child after the words of gratitude. Speaking to your child after he, she or they reads from the Torah is a rare and precious moment in a parent’s life. When preparing your blessing, please make certain the blessing is about your child’s character, your hopes and dreams for your child and about the value of Torah, tradition, family and Jewish commitment. The most successful blessings do not exceed one page per parent.

Who can have an aliyah?

What if I, or a member of my family is not Jewish? May we still participate in the ceremony?

We recognize the uniqueness of each family's situation. We do not want anyone to compromise his or her beliefs or identity, nor do we wish anyone to take on a role or speak words that are not consistent with his or her religious identity. We also understand that this is a joyous occasion for the whole family, and that all family members have made a commitment to participation in Jewish life.

While non-Jewish family members are invited to stand with the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah during an aliyah, we do not call them to the Torah and invite them to chant the aliyah. The blessings before and after reading from the Torah refer to the obligations Jews owe to God, and thus it is not considered fitting (as it is not their obligation) for them to lead the congregation in these blessings. We do invite all family members, regardless of religion, to participate in all other honors including offering a parent blessing, opening the Ark before the Amidah and Aleinu, and dressing the Torah (G’lilah). Please use these principles in assigning honors to your family. If you have any questions about your family's participation in services, please feel free to consult with the Cantor, one of the Rabbis, or the Director of B’nei Mitzvah Engagement.

Can I request a specific rabbi or cantor for my child’s service?

The rabbi and cantor for your celebration will be assigned approximately 10 months in advance. Clergy are assigned on a rotational basis and understandably not all clergy are available on all weekends. If you have a relationship with one of our clergy, please let us know. While we cannot promise to honor specific requests, this information is nevertheless helpful to us.

Can I create a personalized program for the service?

Do I need to wear a kippah or tallit during the service?

As a Reform congregation, all students have the option of wearing kippot and tallitot during the service, though we encourage it at Wilshire Boulevard Temple. As wearing a tallit is a special privilege and responsibility of becoming a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah, each child participates in a special tallit ceremony with Wilshire Boulevard Temple clergy immediately prior to the Shabbat morning service. While we do have a small number of tallitot and kippot available for use during the service, parents often choose to bring a tallit that has family meaning or use one that was made during Wilshire Boulevard Temple’s religious school or at Brawerman Elementary School. Finally, you can also purchase a new one as a special gift for your child.

What if my child has special learning needs?

At Wilshire Boulevard Temple we believe that every person deserves the opportunity to celebrate becoming a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah. We know that not all students learn the same way, they do not have the same natural talents or abilities, and they come from very different life experiences. We are committed to working with every student, and to making this event a truly positive and enriching experience for every family. We look forward to working towards this goal for your child's ceremony.

What is the difference between a double and a single Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah?

Can we move our child's B'nei Mitzvah date once it's booked on the Temple Calendar?

What is a Tikkun Olam Project?

What if my child is having the service in Israel, but not on the Wilshire Boulevard Temple B’nei Mitzvah Israel trip? How can Wilshire Boulevard Temple be involved?

We are there for you! If you are Temple members in good standing and your child is enrolled in one of our schools, our tutors and clergy will help prepare your child. Please note that while our clergy cannot officiate the service in Israel, we do recommend several wonderful rabbis in Israel with whom we work closely. Additionally, we invite your family to join us for a Friday night service in Los Angeles, to share in candlelighting and Kiddush, and so we can present your child with a special gift on behalf of the Wilshire Boulevard Temple community. Please note that the service in Israel must be held no more than six months prior to the child's 13th birthday.

What if I wish to use my own instructor to help my child prepare for the service, instead of one of the Wilshire Boulevard Temple instructors?

What is appropriate attire for the service?

The sanctuaries and chapels of Wilshire Boulevard Temple are sacred spaces. Your choice of clothing as you enter these spaces should reflect that holiness. As you make choices about what to wear to services, please keep that in mind. Modesty for people of all ages and genders is encouraged on our bimahs. This includes but is not limited to - covered shoulders and Temple appropriate necklines for those wearing dresses and/or blouses, a suit, dress shirt, and tie for those wearing suits, and appropriate shoes for all B'nei mitzvah.

Do we have to provide a Kiddush lunch for the congregation?

No, you are not required to host a Kiddush lunch (meal following the service), though many families choose to do so. We have several venues at both campuses for Kiddush lunch and reservations are made on a first-come, first-serve basis.

We encourage families that share the bimah to discuss their plans with each other before finalizing any requests. For additional questions please contact Cheryl Garland, Events and Program Manager at the Glazer Campus, cgarland@wbtla.org, and Bonnie Kebre, Events and Program Manager at the Irmas Campus bkebre@wbtla.org.

Resources

Aliyot and Honors Resources

The Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah is a special day of joy and celebration. It is customary to honor friends and family during the service.

An aliyah is an opportunity for any Jewish friend or family member 13 years or older to be called to the Torah and chant the blessings. To help your family members prepare, you can follow along with Cantor Gurney chanting the blessing before the Torah reading and after the Torah reading. You can also share this transliterated blessing sheet for them to practice.

Questions about honors? Watch a tutorial on how to use our mitzvah tools platform to fill out your honors or check out our FAQs.

We ask that all families enter your honors in the service details on mitzvah tools at least one month prior to your service date.

At-Home Tutoring

Writing the D'var Torah

Questioning is a central religious and spiritual act of the Jewish people. Asking questions is an art form, one we develop over the course of our lives. The questions you formulate as you read your Torah portion (parashah) will be the basis of your d’var Torah (Torah speech) at your service. This is your opportunity to teach your community about what you think and believe about your Torah portion and how it relates to your life. The d’var Torah is prepared under the guidance and direction of your assigned Rabbi, and delivered to the synagogue community immediately before chanting your Torah portion.

In addition to Torah study, gratitude is also a central component of Shabbat and we want to give our Bar, Bat and B'nei Mitzvah students an opportunity to thank the special people who helped them prepare. The student will be invited to offer a short expression of gratitude and thanks after the Haftarah and blessing. The thank you should be no more than one paragraph and focus on the people who helped them prepare for the service.

Here are some helpful steps for studying your Torah portion:

Prior to your second meeting with your rabbi, read your entire parasha (Torah portion) out loud several times (preferably with parents or a Jewish educator). You can also watch a 3-minute clip from bimbam.com (formerly g-dcast.com) that tells the story of the parsha hashavua, or Torah portion of the week.
Write down the “big ideas” in your Torah portion. For example, if your Torah portion is about sacrifices and all the detail surrounding them, the big idea might be “What is the point of sacrifice?”
Now, as you read your portion again, write down a minimum of ten questions or comments. You might want to think about:
- What inspires or interests you in this text
- What confuses or bothers you in this text
- The unexpected use of a word or phrase
- The actions of a particular character
- A strange or unfamiliar concept, idea or practice
- Any connections you see between this text and other parts of Jewish life
- Any connections you see between this text and other parts of your life
After you’ve compiled your questions, read them over again and choose some meaningful ideas or questions you want to explore more. Finding something that is meaningful to YOU is what will ultimately make it meaningful for others as well.
After you’ve had a chance to formulate your own ideas about your Torah portion, you might want to check out an ancient commentary, like Rashi, or a modern one, like the Women’s Torah Commentary or commentary from ReformJudaism.org.

Now it’s time to start writing! In the beginning, don’t worry about length. Just start writing -- that is hard enough! At the end of the process, you will want your d’var Torah to be about 2-4 pages double spaced with 12 point font and default margins.

Start you d’var Torah with a brief, four to seven sentence overview of your Torah portion. You do not need to go into detail here. This is meant to only give the congregation a taste of what is going on. The real meat should come in the next sections since those are your actual teaching sections.
First, state the ONE point you found most meaningful or interesting. Now it’s time to SHOW the community how and why this is meaningful to you (we use the word show instead of tell deliberately!). Show them using personal examples and details. Paint them a picture using words. Create a snapshot of how your point plays out in your life (this should be the longest section of your d’var Torah).
Now bring it home. SHOW the congregation how and why your point should be important to them. Give them something to do. Give them examples of how your teaching could potentially relate to their lives.

We can’t wait to learn with you!

Writing Parent Blessings

Speaking to your child after they read from the Torah is a rare and precious moment in a parent’s life. Blessings should be about your child’s character, your hopes and dreams for your child and about the value of Torah, tradition, family and Jewish commitment. You might want to ask yourself:

When you think about your child, what thoughts come to mind? What are you most thankful for? What are you most proud of?
When you think about your child becoming Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah, what do you feel? What are your thoughts about your child leading services and reading Torah? About your child being “counted” as a Jewish adult?
When you think about your child’s future in general; what hopes, dreams or wishes do you have for him/her?
When you think about your child’s future as a Jewish adult, what do you hope for?

Some helpful hints:

The verbs in blessings are usually done in “may ___ be” construction
Don’t be afraid to put your hands on the person you are blessing. Physical contact is not only appropriate, but it is also historically proper and very moving
Dont’ be afraid of repeating a phrase (e.g. May God grant you X, May God grant you Y, May God grant you Z…)
End your blessing with a phrase so that it is known that the blessing is over (e.g. May this be your blessings, And let us say: Amen).
The most successful parent blessings are written out ahead of time and typically no more than one page per parent

Please bring your blessings to the first rehearsal with Cantor Gurney, Cantor Shapiro or Cantor Peicott.

Tikkun Olam Project

B'nei Mitzvah Checklist

The following are required for every B'nei Mitzvah student:

Attend religious school through their 7th grade year.
B'nei Mitzvah Orientation- You and your student will be invited to a B'nei Mitzvah orientation evening ten months prior to your service when you will meet your assigned clergy, receive your Torah portion booklet, and learn about the B'nei Mitzvah process.
Theology Class - Theology classes are taught by our Rabbis. You will receive a list of dates to choose from. We encourage you to sign up for your assigned clergy, but you are welcome to attend any class works within your schedule.
Liturgy Class - Taught by our Cantors, you will receive a class date at orientation.
D'var Torah- Your student will meet with your Rabbi at least three times to work on their D'var Torah, their B'nei Mitzvah speech.
Hineni - Required enrichment program for students having a 4:30 PM service or those families who wish to delve deeper into the B'nei Mitzvah journey.
Rehearsals - There will be several rehearsals scheduled within three weeks of your B'nei Mitzvah service. Parents are required to attend.

Options to consider:

Kippot for guests - Families contact outside vendors and order personalized kippot with their child's name and date of service.
Tallit for B'nei Mitzvah Child - Purchasing a Tallit for your B'nei Mitzvah child is always a nice way to commemorate the special ritual of becoming a B'nei Mitzvah. Some families choose to have their child wear a Tallit of someone special in the family. The Temple has a small selection of Tallit you can borrow, but please let us know in advance.
Parent Speeches - Parents are encouraged to give a short blessing or speech during the B'nei Mitzvah service. The clergy recommend no more than one page per parent.
Friday night Shabbat Services- Your family is expected to join our Temple's Friday night Shabbat serivces where you will participate with other B'nei Mitzvah families. The service location is on a rotating schedule so please reach out to Jen Kaufman at jkaufman@wbtla.org for specific dates. If you are interested in hosting a Shabbat dinner for your guests following the service, please contact Cheryl Garland (Glazer Campus) at cgarland@wbtla.org or Bonnie Kebre (Irmas Campus) at bkebre@wbtla.org.
Kiddush Luncheon/Grab N' Go - Families have the option to host a luncheon or grab 'n go following the 10 AM service. If interested, please contact Cheryl Garland (Glazer Campus) at cgarland@wbtla.org or Bonnie Kebre (Irmas Campus) at bkebre@wbtla.org.
Audrey Irmas Pavilion - If you are interested in having your party at the new Audrey Irmas Pavilion on the Glazer campus, please reach out to Kim Supple at ksupple@wbtla.org for availability and pricing information.
Buses - If you have 4:30 PM service and you choose to hire buses to take your young guests to your party location please contact Cheryl Garland (Glazer Campus) at cgarland@wbtla.org or Bonnie Kebre (Irmas Campus) at bkebre@wbtla.org.
Additional Tutoring- Once your student has surpassed 28 lessons you will be responsible for purchasing additional sessions with your students tutor.
Additional Musicians - You have the option of adding additional musicians to your service.
Live Stream - You now have the option of live streaming your B'nei Mitzvah service for a nominal fee.

Please contact Jen Kaufman with any questions at jkaufman@wbtla.org.

WELCOME TO B'NEI MITZVAH AT WBT

Forms

All families having a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah at Wilshire Boulevard Temple will need to complete the following forms:

Resources

Prayer Practice